The Complete Family

Children are among Allah’s biggest gifts and one of the biggest joys of life. Even Prophets have prayed for this gift. Our society also puts a lot of importance on having children. However, it does not mean that those who don’t have kids are inferior or incomplete in any way or are being punished by the creator. Allah decides in His infinite wisdom whom to give kids and when.

Though kids are a gift, both having a kid and not having a kid is a test from the creator. This month our family welcomed a new member. Our son was born earlier this month. I have a 11 year old daughter. There were lots of congratulatory calls and messages from family and friends. There were many who enthusiastically mentioned that my family is now complete alluding to the fact that now I have a daughter and a son. I have always been intrigued by this logic. Does it mean that those who have only son/s or those who have only daughter/s dont have complete family. Or those who dont have children are incomplete in any way. I believe that every family is complete. Those couples who dont have children for whatever reason are complete family. Similarly those who have only son or daughter also have complete family.

I myself am only child of my parents. I never felt that there was anything missing or that I belong to an incomplete family. One of the most favored women in the eyes of Allah is Hazrat Asiya (May peace be upon her), the wife of Pharoh. Hazrat Asiya (May peace be upon her) had no kids. This did not lower her status. Rather she has been elevated by Allah and has been cited as an example for believing men and women for all times to come. Similarly, those who have only daughters or son are a complete family. Two examples would suffice. Hazrat Maryam (Virgin Marry), Peace be upon her, had only son, Hazrat Issa (Jesus), Peace be upon him. She had no daughter. But who can compete with her when it comes to favours of Allah.

Similarly by this logic the family of our beloved Prophet was also not complete as he had only daughters. This logic is false. By telling those who have both son and daughter we indirectly tell those who dont have kids of both gender that their families are not complete. I have seen people suffering and going through lot of pain because of this. Let us stop this weird logic. Every family is complete irrespective whether they have kids or not and irrespective of whether they have both son and daughter or not. My family was complete when I had no child. My family was complete when I had only a daughter. My family is complete when I have both a daughter and a son.

For those who dont have kids or have kids of only one gender, I would say that dont allow others to belittle you. Allah decides in His infinite Wisdom whom to give and how much to give. Accept the Will and Decree of Allah and you will find peace.

“To Allāh belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is the All-Knower and is Able to do all things [Surah Ash-Shura, 42:49-50]

For those who tell others or question others about their having kids or not having kids, please dont make it difficult for others. If you cannot make others life easy, you dont have any right to make it difficult. Those who have kids must always thank the Almighty and remember that kids are not only a gift but also a big test from Allah.

“O you who have believed, let not your wealth and your children divert you from remembrance of Allah” (Al-Munafiqun 63:9)

Let us be thankful for whatever we have and let us be better human beings. Let us make life easy for others. Let us make a better world.